Food Porn

All right, everyone.  Settle down.  Now, I need to let you know that what I'm about to show you, I did not make.  That came out weirdly.  These pictures are of foods that I have not made.... um.  You get it.

First of all, if you've never been to Allentown, PA then there are a few things you should know about it: 1. It involves the Lehigh Valley that makes everyone with allergies a complete mess of sniffles.  It's so funny.  2. Billy Joel sang a truly riveting song about it called "Living Here in Allentown" so that about settles that.  3. Allentown is pretty close to Amish country... which means good fresh produce.  4. Farmer's Market 
... and then there's a gem that comes out of left field... it's called Cali Burrito

I want one now

and even though I always think I'm overrating this burrito/taco "joint," each time I come back I'm like that was really friggin' good.  Not only do I think their tacos, burritos, and homemade salsas are delicious, I also think that the stoner puns in their name and menu descriptions are genius.  A high burrito surfing is their mascot... sign me up.

Secondly, I wanted to find a coffee place that has delicious coffee AND baristas who know what they are doing with their high tech coffee machines.  Look no further than Joe: The Art of Coffee. So I ordered a cortado which is a large espresso with a small amount of steamed milk.  That is a perfect drink, if you ask me.

You don't even need sugar cause the coffee speaks for itself.

And now..... I present.... Insomnia Cookies.  One has very recently opened up in my neighborhood, and it's the worst best thing that has ever happened.  Holy moly.  If you enjoy melty, barely-cooked, doughy hot globs of chocolate cookie, then this is the correct place for you to come and order 3 or a dozen.  It's a problem.

Hmmm.  Well, soon to come: how to make spring rolls, some sort of review of a movie eventually, and maybe something about clothes... Ah, well.  Goodnight!

The Heart of the Matter

Good morning!  Since Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I decided I wanted to bake something kind of cheesy.  I stumbled across this during my Youtube black hole-athon, and decided that it was a grand idea.  Let's get started shall we?

 Hidden Heart Cupcakes
adapted from Dessert Living Today

1 1/2 sticks butter, softened
1 1/2 cup granulated sugar
3 eggs
2 tablespoons baking powder
1/2 tablespoon baking soda
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 tablespoon salt
2 1/2 cups flour
1 1/3 cups whole milk or light cream
red food coloring or icing

Vanilla Buttercream Frosting
adapted from Food Network

3 cups confectioner's sugar
1 cup butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1-2 table spoons whipping cream

1.  Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix the butter and sugar together at medium speed until fluffy.  Add the eggs one at a time, mixing until mixture is creamy.  Add the baking soda, baking powder, salt, and vanilla, and mix until the batter is smooth.  Alternate between adding the flour and the milk, beating at a medium speed until the batter is smooth and creamy.  Remember to scrape down the sides of the bowl so that all the ingredients get combined.
2.  Pour 1/3 of the batter into another bowl.  Add drops of the red food coloring until you achieve your desired pink or red color.  Pour the batter into a non-stick or lightly greased 8x8 baking pan, and bake for 20 minutes or until the edges of the cake start to turn lightly golden.

3.  Allow cake to cool completely.  Once the cake is cool, loosen the edges with a butter knife, and invert pan onto a cutting board.  Using small heart-shaped cookie cutters, (or a knife in my case) cut a dozen cake hearts that are small enough to fit inside an average-sized cupcake pan.

 

yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy.

4.  Spoon two tablespoons of the remaining batter into paper-lined cupcake tins.  Put one heart into each tin and press (point down) into the batter.  Keep all hearts facing the same way in the pan.  Once all the hearts are in the tin, cover them with 2 more tablespoons of batter. Bake for 20-24 minutes (each oven varies).  Allow cupcakes to cool before frosting.  Once the cupcakes have cooled, remove them from the pan and set them on the counter with their internal hearts all facing the same way.

And I-ee-I will always love youuu-ooh-ooh-ooh

Onto the frosting!

1. In a standing mixer with a whisk, mix together sugar and butter on low speed until well blended.  Increase the speed to medium, and beat for 3 minutes.
2. Add vanilla and cream, and continue to beat on medium speed for 1 more minute, adding more cream until the frosting is at your desired thickness.
3. Add drops of red food coloring, and mix on medium speed until you achieve your desired pink or red color for the frosting.

With frosting the cupcakes I scooped the frosting into a zip-lock baggie and cut a 1 inch diagonal hole in the bottom corner of it.  After squeezing about 3 tablespoons of frosting onto each cupcake, I spread the frosting around with a butter knife until the cupcake was completely covered.  Then I sprinkled decorative heart sprinkles on top, and used cupid/heart toppers to complete the exceedingly corny look.  Also if you face the toppers the same way the internal cupcake heart is facing, then when you cut into the cupcake, the heart will be exposed!  If you forget which way the heart is facing and you cut into the cupcake incorrectly, then the inside just looks like a pink square- still festive, yet not really what we set out to do, ladies and chums.

But wait!!!  What do you do with the scraps from the pink cake/the leftover frosting?...  Why cake pops, of course!

Cake Pops
Leftover frosting
Leftover cake
Smidgen of whipping cream
Smidgen of water
Lollipop sticks
Melting chocolate
Sprinkles (optional)

1.  Mix the leftover frosting and cake together on medium speed for about 2 minutes.  Add a smidgen of water and whipping cream, and beat on medium speed until the mixture has the consistency of play-dough.

BAWLS

2.  Roll the dough into little balls and set on parchment paper.  Stick the lollipop sticks into the cake balls (teehee), and put the balls in the freezer for about 30-40 minutes (depending on your patience).  Since the lollipop sticks tend to pop out of the cake balls pretty easily, it might help if you melt a little bit of the chocolate and dip the tip of the lollipop sticks into the melted chocolate before inserting them into the cake balls.

3.  Take your melting chocolate and melt it either in the microwave or over a double burner.  Submerge the cake pops in the candy coating, and tap off any excess into the bowl.  When you're dipping your cake pops, you can either leave them to dry on parchment paper in the color you dipped them in, or you can add sprinkles to the cake pops before the coating sets.

Delightful! Now get to baking! Oh, and Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

When the moon hits your eye...

 Oh yum.  Oh joy.  Oh rapture.  I would like to preface this recipe by saying that it is one of the easiest things to put together... "cook" if you will.

Spicy Four Cheese Wrap Pizza (?)

1 tortilla wrap

1/4 onion chopped

1/2 cup tomato sauce

1/2 tomato chopped

A couple handfuls of (Reduced fat "Mexican") cheese

3-4 basil leaves (optional) 

A couple swirls of Sriracha (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees and place the wrap on an ungreased baking sheet.

2. Wash onion and tomato.  Cut the onion into quarters, and chop 1/4th of it.  Cut tomato in half, and chop half of the tomato.

3. Scoop tomato sauce onto center of wrap and use the back of a large spoon to spread the sauce evenly over tortilla, but leave about an inch to an inch and a half unsauced around the edges for a crispy crust.

4. Sprinkle cheese, onion, tomato, and basil leaves on top of pizza.

5. Swirl Sriracha all over pizza.

6. Put pizza in the oven on the middle rack, and cook for about 10 minutes or until the sides of the pizza are light brown and crispy and your kitchen smells like pizza.

7. Remove pizza from oven and let it cool for 2 minutes.  Cut the pizza into quarters, and enjoy with an ice cold beer (if you're legal).

There.  That was so easy and delicious.  And kinda healthyish for you... right? Or atleast healthIER.  I think this is what Congress meant when they said that pizza is a vegetable.  It is... if you put veggies on it.  A couple things to consider while making this delight:

1. Red onions are wonderful.  They are up there, right above scallions.  Red onions are so beautiful and vivid in color and taste.  They can be put into anything and make it 20 times better. Magic chef.

2. Basil plants... um.  Yeah.  If you get one you will love it forever, and it won't stop growing.  It also is very resilient (cause I left mine unwatered for almost two weeks once, and it lived to tell tales and sprout babies).  Also, you can use fresh basil for EVERYTHING.  I feel like a farmer when I pluck the leaves off.

Good night everyone.

How to dress like a homeless person... and get dressed in the dark

Tretorn Rainboots; Madewell parka; Target for pregger ladies under shirt; Vintage Lacoste Izod men's sweater; Express leggings; Ann Taylor scarf; Gregory's coffee (for free if you make them a Valentine's Day card)

Some days you just look in the mirror (or don't) and say to yourself, Oh balls, I'm running late to work.  Never fear, my friends.  At that moment you should next say to yourself, What would Jesus do?  ...But seriously, a trick is to just think of the first piece of clothing or jewelry that pops into your cranium, and then build the rest of the outfit off of that one thing.  Don't second guess yourself.  You look GREAT.  It works wonders to just go with the flow when you don't have time to do a montage of your entire closet in front of your mirror.  In fact, sometimes it is better to dress in the dark.  If you continue to look at yourself and nitpick all of the little things you don't like about how your outfit looks or how you look in it, then you become self-conscious, and therefore are late to work.
Although this outfit featured above is not the most creative or posh, it's something I felt comfortable in today after dressing without looking in a mirror.  And sometimes, as I roam the streets of New York, I see this man dressed head to toe in the most beautiful colors of garbage (literally. He's homeless, and wearing colorful garbage) and I think, Man. He looks so cool, and he doesn't even give a shit about what he's wearing. Chicken soup for the soul.