I'm Blue, Da-Ba-Dee-Da-Ba-Die...

Aloha.  Errr yeah. Welcome to another fantastic entry of "Shyspine: The Musical."  Today we are baking blueberry coffee cake muffins.  They are so good.  The raw and mildly Salmonella-ish batter is great when you're waiting for the muffins to bake, and the muffins are so good that you'll burn the roof of your mouth on one whilst in a folly of excitement to stuff your face.  BLUEBERRIES! Before we start, I must add that Ina Garten is a genius and a force to be reckoned with.

Blueberry Coffee Cake Muffins
adapted from Ina Garten i.e. Barefoot Contessa

12 tablespoons (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup sour cream (I used reduced fat sour cream... and it worked)
1/4 cup milk (I used almond milk... and it worked as well)
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
2 half-pints fresh blueberries, picked through for stems

1. Preheat the oven to 250 degrees Fahrenheit.  Place 16 paper liners in muffin pans.

2.  In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the sugar and softened butter together until light and fluffy (about 5 minutes).

3.  Turn the mixer down to a low speed and add the eggs in one at a time.  Then add the vanilla, sour cream, and milk.

4.  In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

5.  With the standing mixer at a low speed, slowly add the flour mixture to the batter and beat until just mixed.  

6.  Fold the blueberries into the batter with a spatula, making sure the batter is fully mixed.

7.  Scoop the batter into the muffin pans, filling each cup just over the top.

8.  Bake for 25-30 minutes or until the muffins are lightly browned on top.

Notes:
I love blueberries so, had I not snacked on them while making the muffins, I would have added more.  Also, you can make a streusel to put on top of the muffins to make them look more coffee cake authentic and fancy a la Cupcakes & Cashmere, but I could barely keep myself from diving into the oven after the delicious smell of baking engulfed my apartment at the 10 minute mark.  To make these puppies slightly healthier, you could go with some sort of health butter... I don't care.  I only had almond milk in my fridge, so I used it.  And the reduced fat sour cream was on sale at Fairway, so that happened.  In conclusion, muffins.  Muffins so glorious that you may accidentally decide you need to grill one of them in butter at 2am on a Monday morning... hypothetically.

Secondly, please enjoy this song:

Next week, we will address how beets turn your poop fuchsia! Toodles!

Aaaaaand We're Back... Again... For Real

Wow.  I make so many promises about being a dedicated blogger, and then fail miserably.  But I think it's safe to say that I always get pulled back into writing here.  So... there's that.  A couple months ago (when it was the blessed summer) I was gonna put up a post called "All I Can See is Red, Red Red."  It's a play off of a Fiona Apple song called (what else) "Red, Red, Red," that was going to feature my friend's reaction to the season finale of Game of Thrones entitled "The Red Wedding." In addition, the post would include this awesomely delicious pizza I made (with some homemade sauce, y'all), and also some sort of segway into my adoration for the red velvet cupcakes at Two Little Red Hens.  I'm almost positive they have the best cupcakes I've ever eaten.  They do that shit right... So sometimes I just sit alone and think about how they get the cupcakes so fluffy and moist.  MOIST.  

But this entry is not about all of those things.  It's about three other things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other: sweet potato fries, my affinity for breakfast, and Miss America.  Let's get Miss America out of the way.  Seriously, all I wanted to say was that I loved Miss New York's shoes from the shoe parade (which I didn't watch, but I did watch the talent competition and that shit blew hard... not all of them, but like... you know).

Talk about crazy

So.  Yes.  Good times.  Next up, let's talk about sweet potato fries, cause those are delicious and healthy and easy to make.  

Sweet Potato Fries
adapted from Paula Deen... I know what you're thinking, but there's no butter in this recipe, and it's "adapted" from her recipe... not just flat out Paula Deen on a pan.

olive oil (or as Giada likes to call it "EVOO"...yikes)
5 sweet potatoes (or in my case 1, because I am not a family of 5) peeled and cut into long, french fry-like strips
salt
pepper
garlic powder
paprika

1. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees Farenheit.

2. Line a sheet tray with parchment paper.

3.  In a large bowl, toss the potatoes with just enough olive oil to coat them (not sopping wet).

4.  Sprinkle potatoes with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and paprika to your liking (Paula's recipe calls for a cup of salt... a CUP OF SALT?... that's like putting a desert in your mouth, but to each their own).

5.  Spread potatoes in a single layer on baking sheet, making sure not to overcrowd them.

6.  Bake for about 20 minutes, flipping the fries halfway through.  

Paula's picture is better, but then again she used 6 days worth of your recommended daily sodium intake for one serving.  Sigh.  I made banana muffins too, but they turned into something similar to the chinese fighting muffins.  Clearly I haven't mastered the texture of muffins or cupcakes, but luckily I have some new cookbooks to help me conquer my upcoming adventure into blueberry coffee cake muffins... I'm so excited.  Back from my tangent, the sweet potatoes can be eaten with some maple syrup, but I like them with some fried eggs and a little ketchup.  

And lastly, breakfast.

Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day... which can be seen in a previous entry entitled "Good Morning, Good Morning" about the importance of breakfast.  I love making eggs and taking pictures of them all dolled up.  Eggs.  Oh, yeah.  I should do an entry about poaching them... deja vu.   Until next time!  Thanks for reading.

I MADE BASIL ICE CREAM!!!!

Dear Diary... I mean... what.  I MADE ICE CREAM!!!  I was going to title this entry "The Return of Basal The Basil Plant" but, considering very few knew who Basal was (or that I had a basil plant), I reconsidered.  I never knew that making ice cream could be so simple until recipes started popping up in random places: on Facebook, on my Facebook wall, in blogs that I read, in magazines, etc- you get the picture.  So, at 11:30 on a Thursday night, I did it.  Er I froze it.  And it is AWESOME! We shall begin so that you don't have to skip down so much to the recipe.

Basil Ice Cream
adapted from Town and Cooking holler

1 large handful of fresh basil, washed
3 egg yolks
1/4 cup white wine (or a couple tablespoons of vodka)
1/3 cup sugar
1 1/2 cups heavy cream or heavy whipping cream (as long as the fat content is 35% or higher)
fresh basil, honey, and assorted fruits for toppings
zest of one lime (optional... I think I made my ice cream a little too zesty, so I'd say don't peel the skin of the lime off like I did. If you don't own a cheese grater then just use like half of the lime skin... maybe)

1.  In a blender or food processor, blend together the basil, lime zest (if using), egg yolks, wine, and sugar.  Make sure the zest and the basil are ground very finely or else you will have chunks in your ice cream and in your teeth.

2.  Make a double boiler by filling a sauce pan with about an inch of water, and then putting a metal or pyrex mixing bowl on top of it.  The bowl should fit well in the sauce pan without touching the water.  Turn the stove heat on low.

3.  Once the water is simmering, pour the blended mixture into the metal or pyrex mixing bowl.  Whisk the ingredients together until it has thickened and become frothy.  Remove the mixing bowl from the heat, and set aside.

4.  In a separate bowl (or using a standing mixer... which, I must tell you, is infinitely easier) whisk the cream until it is just holding it's shape.

5.  Once the egg mixture has slightly cooled, slowly add the cream to it.  Be sure to add a little bit of cream at a time, stirring in between pours. Don't be alarmed if it's still pretty liquidy.

6.  Line a loaf pan (I used a cupcake pan to speed up the freezing process) with parchment paper and pour in the whole mixture. Make sure to leave a little space at the top of the pan, since the cream will expand in the freezer.  Then pop the pan in the freezer and leave overnight.

In the morning you will eat ice cream, my friends.  When you take the pan out in the morning, you should let it sit for a few minutes before scooping.  Then top your ice cream with fresh basil, fruit, honey, or whatever you want. Pancakes. Also I suggest using the egg whites (that were tragically not used in this recipe) to make an egg white omelette with Cracker Barrel aged white cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and basil. 

Basil plants are the best.  I highly recommend buying one if you have the means.  Not only are they easy to maintain, but they smell delicious and go in everything.  Oh, you want to make a pizza?  Why not use your FRESH BASIL PLANT?!  Oh, you want to make italian food?  Use fresh basil!  Oh, you want to put some basil in your tea?!  Totally.  Do it.  On chicken.  On eggs. With tomatoes and mozzarella.  

Sheesh.  It's June tomorrow.  I just realized this is the only post I've done in May this year. Huh.

Tune in next week when I make chocolate Sriracha ice cream!

Toodles!   

Earth Day Was Yesterday

You know when you love bananas so much that you buy like 20 of them and think to yourself, I'm gonna eat all these mofos before they go bad?  You know when you can't keep up with the banana commitment and the bananas start to go brown and get nastypants and you don't have the heart to throw them away, but you also can't eat them because they taste like chewed up baby food?  At this moment you remember how the ripest/brownest bananas are the best for making banana bread, and you just want comfort food, so at 11pm on a Monday night you decide to make said banana bread?  Yes.  Let's go.

Easy Peasy Banana Bread
adapted from common sense

3 medium-sized over ripened bananas
2 eggs
1/3 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup sugar
1 3/4 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 tablespoon cinnamon
Pinch of salt

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit   Sift flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and salt into a bowl, and stir until combined.

2.  Peel bananas and remove the phloem from the peeled banana.  (Fun fact: phloem is the correct term for those stringy things on a banana!  Knowledge!)

3.  In a separate bowl from the dry ingredients, mush the peeled bananas.  Add eggs, vanilla extract, and vegetable oil to banana bowl.  Mush ingredients together with wooden spoon (or giant spoon) until completely combined.

4.  Stir dry ingredients into the wet ingredients little by little until completely combined.

5.  Grease a 4x8 inch loaf pan or (in my case) an 8x8x2 inch cake pan, and pour batter evenly into the pan.

6.  Bake for 60-70 minutes or until top is golden brown.  Remove from oven, and allow to cool (or burn the roof of your mouth eating it before cooled... your choice).  Enjoy!

So my issue with the banana bread was that, as someone who is used to baking 10 minute cookies, it was very difficult to wait the whole 60-70 minutes for the bread to be ready.  If you're looking for less of a bread crust on the outside, and more of a banana bread cake, then do what I did and pull it out 20 minutes early.

OR if you are more patient, then wait the whole 70 minutes and sit on your bed watching Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives while licking the remaining batter from the bowl... hypothetically.

GODSPEED & GOODNIGHT.

April (Taken for a) Fool

Hola.  Alrighty... so I do have a recipe that I'm gonna share with you all.  I'm sharing it a couple weeks later than when I actually made the recipe, but the post is happening now.  It's still good.  And you're gonna love it.  In April Fool's news: Every year I pull the same April Fool's prank on my boyfriend, and every year he falls for it.  It goes like this:

Me: Yo yo boyfriend.  I messed up my birth control pills. I'm pregnant.

Him: WHAT?!? AHHHH!!! What? Oh my go-

Me: Just kidding.

Him: WTF?! You almost gave me a heart attack.

Me: I pull the same shit every year.  Are you really that surprised?

The end.  Now who's ready for some kale?  Or yams?  In actuality I couldn't find sweet potatoes at my local produce store, so I had to improvise with yams.  In addition sweet potatoes, yams, white beans, and kale were all really in season when I made this.

Sweet and Savory Yams Stuffed with White Beans and Kale

adapted from Simple Supper Recipe

Serves 4

4 sweet potatoes (or, in my case, Yams)

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 shallot, diced
1 garlic clove, minced
1 (4-inch) sprig fresh rosemary 
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 can drained and washed white beans

3 cups spinach, chopped
3 cups kale, chopped
Juice of 1/4 lemon
Salt and pepper to taste

1.  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit.

2.  Scrub the sweet potatoes (or yams), and stab them a few times with a fork.  Wrap the potatoes in tin foil and place on baking sheet.  Bake the potatoes until soft, about 45 minutes to an hour depending on how big the potatoes are.  

3.  Start cooking the greens and beans on the stove top once the potatoes are about 2/3rds of the way done.  

4.  Heat the olive oil over low to medium heat in a wide deep sauce pan.  Add the shallots and cook for 5 minutes.  Add the garlic, white beans, rosemary sprig, and red pepper flakes.  Cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

5.  Add the kale and spinach to the pan, and cover.  Cook for about 10 minutes or until the kale is soft.  Remove the rosemary sprig, and stir in the lemon juice.

To serve, slice each potato lengthwise and push on both ends to create pocket for greens and beans.  Season with salt and pepper.

So good. So filling. Papa John's.

...But not actually Papa John's.

Here It Comes Now

Stolen from the Interwebs

Although The Strokes' fifth album The Comedown Machine isn't officially released in its entirety until March 26th of this year, they have released two songs off of the album that I would love to share with you all.  On a completely unrelated side note, I started thinking of what a fifth album would be called in terms of class year.... you know: first album, sophomore album, junior album, senior album.... then what?  I think it should be called a "PG album" (i.e. post graduate album).  Do you think that will fly?  Cause when I Googled "PG album," the first searches I got were for Peter Gabriel albums.  Maybe a fifth album release should just be called "Peter Gabriel albums" because he's pretty terrific.

Back to The Strokes.  They are my favorite band.  Not because I love every single one of their songs (believe me, there a couple dogs in there... cough Fear of Sleep...cough. Seriously, it sounds like Casablancas is piss drunk and couldn't come up with more lyrics than "fear of sleep" after a certain point), but I love the drunkenness-falsetto-rock-man-thing.  Julian Casablancas wears it well under his big ole sunglasses.  Secretly he works at Sunglasses Hut and gets drunk and sings with his friends... or at least that's what I dream he does.  WOW. OKAY.

Also from the internet.  I only wish I was this close to them.

So the two songs that have been released off of their new album The Comedown Machine are "All The Time" and "One Way Trigger".  "All The Time" sounds like an outtake from their sophomore album Room on Fire since it has an uptempo "driving in a tour bus" vibe going on.  What I've noticed about The Strokes as their sound matures is that their uptempo beats have aged as well.  Even when one of their songs is fast paced, it seems that they are still going in slightly slower motion than some of the younger albums' songs.  It's like listening to a radio version of a song and then listening to the original, only to realize it's supposed to be played slower.  You just got so used to the version you initially heard that the slower "regular" version just sounds weird to you now.  It's not a bad thing or a good thing, it's just a noticeable difference.  

With both songs you hear the lads dealing with more mature issues.  In "All The Time" Julian questions the stability of a relationship by singing, "Do you want what I want too?  All the time in the world is all that's necessary."  It's not mere coincidence that in both released songs, he battles long-term relationship woes.  In "One Way Trigger" Casablancas croons in his falsetto, "Find a job, find a friend, find a home, find a dog, settle down, out of town, find a dream, shut it down" and  I can't help but wonder whether he and his bandmates are getting pressured by their significant others to "shut it down."  They are rock n' rollers and will do no such thing.  The fact that this approach to their writing is so different from the penetration-romance genre that I initially fell in love with makes me nostalgic for the good old days.  They're all older, in relationships, and contemplating their 30's.  It only seems reasonable that their music should echo this.  I guess this just depresses me because like romances, their albums were so exciting and unpredictable in the beginning.  I only hope that the boys stick in one or two songs about going to the bathroom to poon a lady.  That being said, I wait with baited breath for the rest of the album.  Also, I will forever love The Strokes.  The end.

Good Morning, Good Morning

Ahhhhh breakfast.  The best meal of the day.  Turns out it's not the most important meal of the day (it's supposedly lunch), but I still love making breakfast the most.  I'm just really into cooking eggs.  I'm a perfectionist when it comes to frying and poaching them.  One of these days I'll do a post all about poaching eggs (I can feel your excitement from here).  But in the meantime, I'm just gonna share a recipe that's uber easy, delicious, and healthy.  

Strawberry & Banana Muffins

yields 6 muffins or 12 mini-muffins

1 banana

2 eggs

1 handful of strawberries (you can also trade out strawberries for blueberries, blackberries, snozzberries, Berry Berry Kix, etc.)

1.  Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2.  Blend banana and eggs together. 

3.  Put cupcake liners in tins, and fill cups up about three quarters of the way up.

4.  Chop strawberries into very small pieces and distribute the berries evenly amongst the cupcake tins.

5.  Bake muffins for 10-12 minutes or until the tops are just starting to turn golden brown.

Simple. Healthy. Delicious.  I feel like Gordon Ramsay saying that. Good times.  

Diabetes

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!  Calm down.  Today we will be baking! Yay V-day!  If your boyfriend is allergic to dairy like mine is, then you sit in bed next to him eating a giant block of cheese while watching Chopped.  Also, you tend to bake more dairy-free things so that you're not eating all the cookies alone. In a corner. Because you're an asshole.  SO.  My favorite thing to make my lover is snicker doodles.  They're his favorite type of cookie, and I've perfected this recipe.  And it makes me happy that I know at least one recipe by heart (besides my chili).  I did something slightly different by cooking them in a heart-shaped cupcake tray that I got at CVS.  If you have a heart-shaped cookie cutter, then that works too.

Snicker doodles
Bitch, I did this myself. (Yields 40 cookies.  I know, right?)

1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 3/4 cups flour
1 pinch baking soda
1 pinch salt
2 tablespoons cinnamon
sugar and cinnamon to roll the dough balls in before baking

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Mix butter, sugar, and eggs together in a mixer on low speed.

3.  Mix in baking soda, salt, and cinnamon.

4.  Add the flour (in small batches) to the mixing bowl.  Mix all ingredients on low speed until combined.

5.  Mix equal parts sugar and cinnamon in a separate bowl.

6.  Shape the dough into 1-inch balls and roll them in the cinnamon-sugar mixture.  Using your hands, mush the dough into the cupcake tray hearts (or just place the dough balls on a baking sheet if you're not feeling the hearts).

7.  Bake for 12-15 minutes or until edges just start to turn golden brown.

You can never go wrong with butter and sugar... and cinnamon.  Cinnamon is up there.  Happy Valentimes!

Let's Pretend We're Healthy

Hello everyone.  So I've been experimenting with kale lately... you know, making salads, stir-fries, smoothies, and chips.  I'm a lot late on the whole "kale is cool" boat, but whatever.  Who cares?  Anyway, today I am sharing a recipe that I found while surfing the internet for a savory way to cook kale.  I kind of want to try salt and vinegar kale, but that might be disgusting. Or genius. But this recipe is pretty good.  You might have to season the bejesus out of the kale in order to achieve the taste you want, but here you go.

Barbecue Kale Chips
adapted from The Food Network

1 bunch kale (washed and dried thoroughly)
olive oil
1/4 cup paprika
2 tablespoons chile powder
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard

1. Preheat the oven to 275 degrees.

2. Remove kale leaves from stem and tear the leaves into big bite-size pieces (the kale will shrink a little as it cooks in the oven).

3. Toss kale in a bowl with olive oil so each piece gets an even coat.

4.  Lie the kale out on a baking sheet and bake for 20-25 minutes, tossing the kale halfway through.  Kale is done when it is crispy and browned on the edges.

5.  Mix the paprika, chile powder, garlic powder, salt, pepper, and dry mustard together in a bowl to create BBQ seasoning.

6.  Sprinkle (or in my case pour on) the barbecue seasoning, and toss kale in a bowl.

Now curl up on your couch with those kale chips and read that book that you haven't read, but your mom gave it to you.

Pardon The Hiatus

Well hello again.  Although it has been almost 9 months since I last posted, we're going to ignore that and continue as usual.  I'm sure you're so glad I'm back! Really I just missed talking about recipes and finding eco-friendly ways to document new ones.  In addition, there's a lot of new music coming out.  Like. A LOT.  Also, this is in existence:

A jubilous Thom Yorke

So happy day to that.
Now that that's over, I've made something for you all. So gather around the kitchen counter, and watch Chef Lindsay amaze you with the culinary arts.
A recipe that is great and delicious (and easy to make) that I found recently comes from a blogger who I heavily enjoy. She makes beautiful food and she's got a great sense of humor.  So I changed a couple things in the recipe, but it's still healthy and filling and doesn't taste like it would be.  It's some good shit.

Off we go!

It's like Halloween...

Vegan Butternut Squash & Curry Soup

1  small-medium butternut squash, peeled and chopped
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 yellow onion, chopped
5 cups vegetable broth
2 tablespoons powdered ginger (or freshly grated if you've got it)
2 tablespoons curry powder
2 teaspoons sugar
cinnamon
salt and pepper

It's a butthole...

Warm olive oil, salt, and pepper in a large pot over medium heat.  Add onion, and cook until translucent, stirring occasionally.

Add squash, ginger, curry, sugar, a dash of cinnamon, and 4 cups of vegetable broth to the pot.  Mix together, and turn the heat up to high.  Once boiling, bring the temperature back to medium to low heat. Cover and let simmer for 30 minutes or until squash is cooked through.  Remove from heat, and allow it to cool slightly.

Working in batches, puree soup in a blender until smooth and creamy.  Once blended, return the soup to the pot and add the remaining 1 cup of vegetable broth.  Stir to incorporate, while reheating the soup.

Ladle the soup into bowls and garnish with a sprinkle of cinnamon, paprika, and pepper.

In the words of Julia Child, "Bon Appétit!"

Also, I'll catch you guys soon.  My belated New Year's Resolution is to be more diligent in my writing.
Beaucoup de bisous!